i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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