His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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