New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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