Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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