Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Randomize
