Who wears a wallet chain?!
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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