im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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