Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
