Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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