smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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