I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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