Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
