Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
