Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
