i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Randomize
