I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
