I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
there is glitter all over my balls
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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