There is no way he is gay with that hair.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
