I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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