It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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