One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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