Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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