We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
