so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
