Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
