Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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