I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
