Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
