This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
