I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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