I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
