She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
