the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
