you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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