i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
