At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
We are all done wearing pants today
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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