To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I have post one night stand depression
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
