I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
