You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
