So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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