Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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