you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
