it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
