Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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