Your tits are I can't wait for
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
