I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
