I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Randomize
