i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
