does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
