i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
